The New York Times scooped me once again when they ran this piece last year, “The Beauty of a Walk and Talk.” I did a little Elaine Benes “get out!” move, pushing against the thin air in front of my chest as I sat at my laptop reading the article about the benefits of taking a walk (and also a talk) with a friend.
I’ve been saying for several years now that walks are the new coffee — that a walk is a date, a social event, a time to connect with someone whose insights, time and presence you value. I have shared this theory with friends as I ask them (or they ask me) to meet for a walk proving another theory of mine that the word walk has become more of a noun than a verb.
Ever since I received the email from my daughter’s middle school in March of 2020 (almost exactly four years ago from today) that school was going online for two weeks (read one year) so come on over and get her textbooks out of her locker (and I did just that with yellow dish washing gloves on but yet no mask!) I started taking walks outside, almost every single day.
In the beginning, I walked alone taking a break from the newly discovered space age like Zoom calls (remember when we all get excited about virtual backgrounds?), home school (remember when your kid was amazed by seeing his teacher at home in her own kitchen?) and the constantly running printer (the one that my husband ripped out of the wall in his office downstairs and dropped off right in front of my son’s room upstairs where endless packets of school work were being churned out in droves.)
I looked forward to my early afternoon walk after lunch before heading back to my computer and the piles of dishes from the new to us weekday family lunches. The break in the day and the fresh crisp air felt amazing. I started to see the same neighbors out walking at the same time each day. There was the older man who had on a different baseball hat every day and the older lady (his wife I would later learn, but they walked separately) who wore the same white puffy coat every day. There was also the guy with the two dogs and the three women who took turns walking the one dog.
My husband started taking his own afternoon walks while on work calls, AirPods secured in each ear below his wool beanie. He would yell down the hall to me as he closed his laptop and put on his jacket, I’m going “on a walk” (noun!) and I smiled thinking, this walk thing is catching on even to pre-pandemic non-walkers. I noticed my daughter getting out for a walk after Zoom school ended, and so I shifted my schedule to do a walk with her. We talked more on those walks and with more ease than we ever had in our car rides together or during those pre-pandemic days of her coming home from a physical school building and me asking her how her day was.

I soon started missing the people who didn’t live in my house, and so I asked a friend or two to meet for a walk. By that point said friend(s) were missing pre-pandemic social interaction as we learned that this living life from home thing would be way more than two weeks, and also that being outside with others was deemed safe. And so we met for regular walks. When a friend came over to my neighborhood, I took her on my usual route — the big loop and the four cul-de-sacs off of the loop, which is exactly three and a half miles and a good combination of inclines and stretches of flat road. The flow of the conversation was easier than ever with each step of our feet and each swing of our arms.
There is something to the rhythm of the walk and I believe in not facing each other, like you would at a coffee date (that is so 2019!) that makes the talk part so natural. Conversations flow easily and you can go there in a way you may not have been able to when just having the talk sans walk. I began to learn the walking and talking paces of many of my friends. Note: there is a definite correlation between the pace of the walk and the pace of the talk.
I’ve walked and talked in my friends’ neighborhoods, on communal walking and hiking trails, in parks and in downtown areas. One group of my friends likes to walk a rather hilly trail at a local park. We have done this trail now together way too many times to count, ever since we got that first email about that extended two week school break. We’ve walked that trail on hot summer days in shorts, tank tops, our hair pulled back in ponytails or tucked below baseball hats. We’ve also walked it and talked it on the coldest of winter days with more layers than I knew I could pull off complete with hats, gloves, and for me wool ski socks over my fleece lined leggings. It’s a look. Sometimes I even bust out the controversial fanny pack on said walk and talks.
I’ve done the old Elaine Benes “get out” on a few of these walks as I learn something new, surprising, super-interesting or hilarious from the talk part. I’ve gotten things off my chest during many of the walk/talks and even shed a few tears. A good walk and talk can sometimes bring out a much needed cry. Wherever the path or discussion takes us, I always feel better afterwards.
The walk and talk is not limited to in person meet ups. I’ve had A LOT of walks and talks with long distance friends in the form of scheduled phone calls. My neighborhood loop is the perfect backdrop for a catch up call with one of my New York or California or Boston friends. The friend can sometimes hear the wind at my face and I can hear the honking of the city cabs or a flock of birds flying overhead through my EarPods (I am old school, with real wires plugged into my phone) wherever she may be. I can clearly imagine her walking space and she mine as it feels like we are together carving out our own walking and talking paths.
I’ve even done a few FaceTime walks which aren’t as easy to maneuver and are not so much planned. My favorites were with my dad when he would ring me up (his terminology) from Florida as I walked quickly down my street hoping not to get kicked off a neighbor’s Wi-Fi to prevent the top part of my dad’s head disappearing from my phone screen. I could always hear the smile in his voice as every single time he was amazed by the seemingly futuristic like technology of seeing my face out and about bobbing along on his phone screen.
It’s hard to fathom that it’s been four years since the first stay in your house lockdown made me get outside and take those walks. I am not a fan of the term silver lining because I think it can be overused, but I will say that the walk and talk truly has been a silver lining of all of it and it continues to be so. If you ever need a little pick me up, I am telling you, meet a friend for a walk — early in the morning, after lunch, after work, however and wherever you can squeeze it in. Text me sometime and we can scheduled one in person or on the phone. I am not kidding.
I took a break from the walks (and even the talks) at the end of last summer after my dad died as I just wasn't feeling it. And then on my first return walk after dinner one evening with my husband by my side, the older man with all the baseball hats gave me a nod as I walked by him on his cul-de-sac. “Good to see you back out here,” he said to me as he tapped his fingers to his baseball hat, which I suppose is a walker’s salute of sorts, like the truck driver’s honk?
I wonder how many miles I’ve covered with a friend by my side or in my ear and so too how many funny, hilarious, memorable, sad, meaningful eye opening conversations I’ve had?
The walks continue and so do the talks and I am here for all of it.
NEW PODCAST EPISODES
Kiki Smith, author of the new beautiful coffee table book by Rizzoli, Real Clothes, Real Lives: 200 Years of What Women Wore came on Life’s Accessories along with surprise guest, my cousin, Paula Deitz, whose dress is featured in the book. Kiki shared with us some pretty fabulous earrings and some pretty fabulous insights too. Listen by hitting play below.
Lawyer turned author of historical and contemporary fiction, Jackie Friedland joined the pod and shared with us a special pen from Tiffany & Co. (a first for Life’s Accessories!) given to her by a group of friends after she earned her MFA in Creative Writing and made the switch from writing legal briefs to writing books. Tune in to the pod at link below to see where Jackie will be signing books next with THE pen!
Amen to the walk and talk!